Jumbo shrimp. Military intelligence. Peace-keeping force. Democratic party. Oxymorons all. I can say that, because I’m a lifelong, die-hard registered Democrat. And I love my party. No, wait. I love the IDEA of my party. My party these days… not so much. Mostly because it isn’t a party. The word “party” implies (in the political sense) a collection of citizens banded together by similar ideological and philosophical beliefs, intent on furthering a common vision for the future of their nation, or (in the literal sense) a bunch of folks hellbent on having a really, really good time.

Does this sound like today’s Democratic party to you? Yeah, me neither. How pathetic have we become when the Republicans can out-party us in every respect of the word? I hang my head. I mean, sure, Bill Clinton was kind of sleazy and all, but that boy knew how to party – politically and literally. It’s why we loved him so much.

The closest thing Democrats have to an agenda these days is doing the opposite of what the Republicans have done for the past seven years. I’m not saying its not a start, since there was so much being done wrong. But it doesn’t even come close to serious, well formed, well expressed party platform from which one might – oh, I don’t know, say – run a Presidential election, for example. Democrats are so busy trying NOT to be so many things, they haven’t taken a moment or to contemplate what they are. They’re trying not to be “too” pro-choice (like pregnancy, folks, you either are or you aren’t). They’re trying to not to appear to be pro-gay-marriage (though the truth is that most Democrats don’t much care personally whether two guys tie the knot or not). Democrats are so scared of losing the vote of the folks in the Midwest, they’ve become consumed with what they’re not.

But what are we? What do we stand for? What is important? And when, for the love of God, are going to stand up to the Conservative Right and say, “We respect your views on religion, abortion, homosexuality, gay marriage and taxation, but, frankly, we just think your wrong. You were wrong before, you tried to make it work, it didn’t and now it’s time to move over.” Then come up with platform positions that reflect that. Democrats have gone from being the party that championed civil rights, education, the space program and jobs programs in the 60′s, to being a party of panderers and placaters doing everything possible to obscure their true opinions.

We have one shot at greatness. We have the next ten months to put the party back together, to decide who we are and what we stand for. We are at a crossroad wherein we can either choose to continue in our current direction of inoffensive mediocrity, or turn in another direction, toward decisive and opinionated greatness. But we only have ten months. It only seems like a long time. So we need to get cracking and fast.

I love my party. I love what its accomplished in the history of this country. But we’ve been together a long time, and like any long-term relationship, its starting to show cracks and strain. Please, Democratic Party. Do something wonderful. Help me to remember why I fell in love with you when I was seventeen. Be the party I know you can be, so I can fall in love with you all over again.